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Lady in Waiting

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(Razzle Dazzle)

[09 Mar 2012|09:02pm]
It feels strange to go through a major life change without making a post on LiveJournal.

And this is a life change that does not yet feel real, or maybe it just doesn't feel like a big deal. It does not feel possible: moving here, for a job like this, was never a goal of mine. That it should happen is a reality that is even now completely disconnected from my past, from how I am accustomed to defining myself, I have no context in which to place it.

The chapters in my life used to be delineated by events: dating X, working at Y. Now I fear that I am in danger of forgetting those events: they fade into the background of more easily defined chapters, like "College" and "My First Job." This frightens me a little, because so many of those things are important to the person I have become. And yet this fresh start (I thought I was out of fresh starts) presents the opportunity to be that person without all that baggage. But who is that person? It scares me to think about how much I have changed in the past few years; I am unfamiliar to myself. How is that okay?

Fresh starts are always exhilerating. I can recognize the artificiality of this bubble. This life change has been all about my new job: I am breathing and dreaming this job. My joy in it permeates every hour. Undoubtably that joy will fade into the everyday. But I hope I can hold on to at least a small part of it, because I know that the specific ways it is pushing me outside my comfort zone (is my comfort zone exclusive to joy?) is very, very good, to any and all relevant definitions of good. This possibility is easier for me to accept than those events that make me "me." And what on earth does that mean?

(Razzle Dazzle)

[14 May 2011|11:32pm]
I just watched When Harry Met Sally and I absolutely hated it.

I'd never seen it before tonight. I don't usually go for romantic anything, I get very squeamish watching emotional moments unfold. It's embarrassing. But I'd just gotten home from my friends party and I figured, hey, I'm drunk and lonely, lets see what all the fuss is about. I was really expecting to love it. As little taste as I have for romance, I am a total sucker for best-friends-turned-lovers. Seriously some absurd proportion of my ex-lovers were friends first, so I clearly have a pattern. And even though I'd never seen this movie, everyone knows When Harry Met Sally, and I had it built up in my head as like, the definitive canon. And it was such a let down.

First of all, Billy Crystal has a very strange face. It is sort of waxy and he looks sleazy and cranky and his lack of expression made me cringe. He's the kind of guy who you don't even want to stand too close to because he probably smells like sweat and dead animals.

Second of all...can someone explain to me how "I really really hate you" translates into a declaration of love? I don't get it. The scene after Harry and Sally first have sex was uncomfortably realistic. He pretty much was the definition of a douche. Why would she even want to be with him? And the way that it takes her walking away from him for him to realize he loves her set the seal on the "eye roller" label. How disappointingly cliche, how Rules, how hollow. Are we supposed to hit rock bottom before we find love?

Moral of the story: Meg Ryan had awesome hair in the 90s, but the legend is better than the reality.

(Razzle Dazzle)

[23 Apr 2010|09:33am]
Spring mornings in DC....accept no imitations.

(Razzle Dazzle)

[21 Apr 2010|01:49pm]
Presents my boss has given me since I started working for her:

Subscription to Zabaar's coffee of the month
Hot dog shaped cookies
The Political Brain by Drew Westen
Two men's suit jackets
Sienfeld, Season 3
Sheryl Crow CD
Multiple chocolate cakes from Le Pain Quotidien
Flower vase
Blinded by the Right by David Brock (signed, too!)


Stay tuned. She learned today that I like sci fi novels.

(Razzle Dazzle)

[08 Feb 2010|09:18pm]
Snow is awesome.

I played battleship.

(Razzle Dazzle)

[25 Jan 2010|09:29pm]
Okay. So, I've finished Week 1 of the real job now, which I think makes it official that they aren't going to realize they made a horrible mistake in hiring me and send me packing. It's pretty neat, as jobs go. I'm working as an assistant for the Bauman Foundation, which is a small non profit that gives money to progressive organizations that encourage civic engagement. It's in Dupont Circle, which is fabulous, and the duties are pretty undemanding, and there's lots of reading material going in and out of the office so all in all it's working out well.

I continue to date this guy who is beyond awesome, if I do say so myself, and who is making me learn all kinds of things about the world and myself that I never thought I would be interested in.

Moving out will still be months in the offing, as I'm going to be broke for a while yet, but it is in the cards, which is good. I had been thinking law school, but now I'm thinking Public Policy MA. I really could live without it for a year or two yet, but I might be pressured into it. In the meantime, living at home has the benefit of saving oodles of money, getting rides to work, and having lunch with my dad.

I feel pretty good about my life at the moment. Its all kind of....I am so, so lucky.

(Razzle Dazzle)

[07 Dec 2009|04:25pm]
I am very very happy. Annoyed at most of my life, but retardedly cheek splittingly happy anyway.

(Razzle Dazzle)

[07 Jul 2009|01:40am]
I feel awful. I am not being honest, and I dont know what to do, and those two things are clashing. Boo.

(Razzle Dazzle)

[25 Jun 2009|03:46pm]
I remember the first time someone called me "baby" was after I had started college and I almost burst into laughter, which would have been extremely inappropriate. I remember thinking that this person clearly would never understand me if they ever thought I was the kind of girl who someone could call "baby." I flash onto this memory every time I say the word, which for some reason has been quite frequently lately, and I wonder every single time if I sound as rediculous saying it as I feel, and if the person has a similar reaction to mine, which really just borders on "srsly?"

(1 *** | Razzle Dazzle)

[23 Jun 2009|10:28pm]
It just seems really dumb to me that I am prepared to accept so many things I really don't like because of something that I undefinably do. It seems equally dumb to me I could conceivably have all of the things that I do want without that undefinable thing. I wish I had a clue which one would make me happier in the long run. I really wish it didn't make me so unhappy in the meantime. Why is there never all good and all bad, just a half-answered wish that makes the word "IRONY" the fabric of my life?



PS I am starting to feel less like I am looking for a job, and more like I am just unemployed. This is not good. This is in fact very very bad.

(Razzle Dazzle)

[06 Apr 2009|08:07am]
I demand satisfaction!

(Razzle Dazzle)

[30 Mar 2009|09:23am]
As of April 1st, I shall enter "Look for job!" lockdown mode. Forgive me in advance for shamelessly plugging everyone I know in search of a salary.



PS: After this phase comes "Look for roommate!" mode. Any Rockers planning on moving to DC, I can cook and I have furniture already!

(1 *** | Razzle Dazzle)

[13 Feb 2009|07:28pm]
I've got Senioritus big time.

(Razzle Dazzle)

[28 Jan 2009|09:17am]
And then people lift you up at weird moments too. It's nice.

(Razzle Dazzle)

[21 Jan 2009|10:52pm]
I have no incredible moments from the Inauguration to share. I was ticketed closer than most, I went, it was cold, I was happy.

I'm way more excited about the idea that this internship really will turn into a job, and every day it looks more and more likely that this will happen. It would be easy to transition into. I'd be able to live in DC. I could do this. I could do this well. It would be perfect.

Real life would be slightly less scary if I could do this.

(Razzle Dazzle)

[19 Jan 2009|11:05pm]
People wound you at very unexpected moments in your life.

(Razzle Dazzle)

[17 Jan 2009|01:07am]
It's a full house this weekend as people all over the country pour into this city. By Sunday, our house will boast a contingent of a full dozen people from at least four different states.

I myself, having scored a prime-o front row ticket, shall join the other four million people thronging the Capitol stepps to see Barack Obama sworn in as President. To make you even more jealous, I bought electic socks for the occasion.

(Razzle Dazzle)

[17 Dec 2008|02:30am]
So I keep seeing adds on TV for this thing called the Snuggie. I don't know if anyone else has seen these, but they really intrigue me. First of all because I think they look like the kind of robes monks might have worn in the 16th century if they were evil and had horns and lived in fantasy land. Second of all because they look really warm. It's not that I often sit around going "MAN I WISH I COULD USE MY HANDS!" because, frankly, I am not so retared as the people on TV that I cannot figure that out. But they would be kind of cool all the same, because they are big.

I love break. So far I have read every Roald Dahl book ever and played massive amounts of dorky video games.

(Razzle Dazzle)

[11 Dec 2008|10:09am]
Case in point: I went to sleep at 1 freaking out, tried to wake up at 5, failed, woke up at 6, took a shower, finished three pages, came to the library.....

Am now finished. Two hours ahead of schedule. WTF?

There's not even a corresponding "owwwwww" to go along with it.

(Razzle Dazzle)

[11 Dec 2008|01:01am]
I keep barreling back and forth between extremes when it comes to working on exams.

I keep panicking because eleven hours is not nearly enough time to finish this paper, when at the same time six hours seems like plenty of time. What?

I'm on my last paper, three four page essay questions, due at noon tomorrow. I stupidly did not start working on it today at 4, like I planned, because it had taken me so much less time than I had thought to do my other work. I currently have one question done that is technically the right length but kind of crappy, and sort of started the hardest question.

I can't keep my eyes open, which makes it sort of pointless to keep working. Boo noon deadlines.

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